Friday 19 June 2015

How I was almost duped by fraudsters

Lmao I was almost duped today. I went to get a phone at Robinson Plaza for a friend. Having had lots of experiences with these dudes who accost you on the way and escort you to the store only to end up extorting lots of money from you in the name of installation, I was prepared for them. When they came towards me, I simply ignored them. One asked if I wanted to buy a phone or any other gadget, saying he knew the right store to take me to. Another said I shouldn't think he's trying to dupe me or anything, he said he's only offering to help so I wouldn't be cheated…yeah right.
Anyways, after a little search, I finally decided on the phone I wanted. While I was paying the seller, one of the guys who followed me to the store said when I'm done I should come with him so he'd help me do the warranty. Wow, I thought to myself, that's a new one. Usually the words they use were, I'll help you configure it, or I'll install some apps for you so you could enjoy your phone very well. This warranty was a new one and I simply smiled. As I handed the money over to the sales girl, she pinched my handed a little which was a warning not to go with the guy. I smiled my thanks and got out of the store. Outside, the guy said come on lemme take you to my store and lets do the warranty for you. My curiosity got the better part of me and I followed him.
At his store, he gave the new phone to his friend and they gave me a chair to sit. I quickly asked how much he's going to charge me. He tried avoiding the question by saying there was no fixed price. I insisted on him telling me the amount until he finally said 400-800 naira only.
I gave him back the phone and he connected it to his laptop. Copied my imei number and showed me a message that read…warranty successfully installed. He gave me back my phone and told me my money was 2500. I burst into laughter and told him what about the 400 naira he told me. He said how could he do that kind of job for a mere 400 naira, and asked if I knew how much they've just deducted from his account? Smiling I said how much. He hissed and said if I didn't want to pay I could go. Smiling I said okay, picked up my bag and started leaving. His friend chased me down and said I shouldn't leave. That if I did, he had the serial number of my phone and could do anything to it that would make the phone useless and I'd eventually come back to beg him. I looked at them and wondered if these guys actually thought I was that stupid…I walked back to the store and the other guy was like "who called you back? You would have left now and I would have seen how you would have used your phone' smiling, I brought out a thousand naira, gave it to him. He looked at me angrily and asked if I thought he was a beggar that I was giving him just 1k. and that's when my "serious face" face came on and I told him he couldn't do jack to my phone cos as soon as I walked out of here I was going to change the imei number as soon as I got a simcard and hence what he had would be useless. Shocked at what I said he tried covering up by saying I don't know what I'm talking about and if I wasn't scared I should go and then I would see what would happen to my phone next. I smiled again, walked to the next store, bought a glo simcard and changed the imei of my phone under three minutes while they all gaped at me…then I walked back to them removed my sunglasses, looked into each of their eyes and said, if you try anything funny to this phone, it would be the last time you'd step into this plaza alive, I've got your life serial number with me. I put my sunglasses back on like a boss and walked out of the store confidently praying deep within that none of the mean looking guys would try to stop me

Wednesday 17 June 2015

Meet the No. 1 female carpenter!

I think I've discovered my passion!!!  I think I'm going to go into carpentry...So last week the curtains in the sitting room at home was changed. Everyone hated the new one cos we couldn't see any difference between the old one and the new one. ..When my dad inspected them, he decided the method the guy used in hanging the curtains should be changed and the curtains should be shifted higher... And of course there's no one who would have to do that except me...
So this morning I got out my hammer (not mine anyway, but it sounds better that way), and got me some nails and got to work... now my ears hurt, my hands hurt I think I hit it a few times... But when I was done and I stepped back and took a good look at my work.... All the pain vanished. I was so proud of my achievement...
Sooo...I think I'm going into carpentry. Hence if you need anything done that has to do with nails, wood and hammer... you know who to call. I promise I won't charge much.

Friday 12 June 2015

I think I’m a zombie!!!

 Okay I don’t know how many of you have watched or is watching the movie “izombie”. Anyways it’s a movie about a girl who went to a party where she died and woke up as a zombie with an insatiable hunger for human brains. Every time she eats a dead person’s brain, she starts portraying some of the person’s characters. For example she ate the brain of a kleptomaniac and couldn’t stop herself from stealing things. I think I have something close to that.
No no no, I’m not saying I’ve been transformed to a zombie or that I eat brains. I’m just saying something close to that happens to me when I watch movies.
For example, when I watched “Greek” which is a movie about sorority teenagers and females who scream their surprise at any news they get. I started behaving like that. Although I was a teenager when I watched that movie, I started behaving like some American teenage girl who acts weird in a weird way.
When I watched “suits”, I started feeling like Harvey and always thought I could win any case handed to me. I even started court cases in my head on any issue I hear going on around me.
When I watched “blacklist”, I thought of myself as Raymond Reddington, you know with the cap and the way he talks with so much confidence and a little raise of his head. I thought of myself as a badass.
Don’t get me started on when I watched “alias”, I thought I could change my appearance and do deep undercover work. Even when I watch comedies, I transform into a funny character. Oh wait I’m naturally funny, ok I guess the movies enhances it a little. When I watched “The DUFF”, I thought about all the friends I’d had since I was born and wondered if I haven’t been a DUFF all my life…I’m gonna stop here I’m beginning to sound like a movie freak or an addict…or a zombie….

Thursday 11 June 2015

To Pst and Dns Richard Idama

He’s a pastor, she’s a deaconess. He’s a civil servant, she’s a nurse. He calls her dear/darling/mummy and she calls him dear/darling/daddy. He pastors a church and she “mama’s” it. He doesn’t eat snails and periwinkles, she doesn’t cook nor eat them because of him. They have four children together and brought them up in the fear of the Lord. Sometimes he comes up as being too strict to the children and she acts as a middleman between him and the children. They never argue nor quarrel, they might disagree but they usually arrive at a decision, all it takes is time. When he/she gives an advice the other doesn’t take, he/she learns lessons from whatever comes out of it and is sure never to repeat that mistake. Whenever he buys her something, she appreciates, whether the gift is fake or not, or he was cheated by the seller. They both realize that they cant rely on their own understanding and decisions are taken together. They both know when to keep silent when the topic at hand is affecting the other wrongly. After 27 years, they still eat on the same plate every evening and talk about their day. They still make each other laugh and know when the other wants to be left alone. They know how to settle things between them and not involve a third party and they never let anything or anyone come between them. Each one of them always grabs any available opportunity to show how proud they are of each other.
Hmm…their love is unending. I love you mum and dad!!! #World’sBestParents

Wednesday 10 June 2015

I don loyal finish!

This town is hooot!!! The once peaceful friendly quiet little villa is gone, and in its place…is the place where people are being plagued by armedrobbers, thieves and all whatnots. They come at night with guns to whichever unlucky lodge of their choice and leave with lots of valuables, sometimes physically harming the victims…
1)    No more going out at night
2)    No more taking my laptop to ICT department in the college close to my house for free wifi
3)    When someone calls me “Corper” in public, I loudly correct them that I’m just a student o
4)    when a bike man drops me in front of my house and charges me a bit more than the usual price, I don’t argue with him and claim rights, I pay; he could be one of them
5)    when I board a bike at night, I don’t allow him to take me straight home, I stop somewhere close to my house and walk the rest of the way home
6)    I greet every guy humbly, who says hi to me on the way; he could be one of them
Which is the reason why when I walked into a store to get biscuits this evening after church, and some guys called me “Corper”, I turned and gave a polite “Good evening” to all of them. When they asked me to join them at their table, I pretended I didn’t hear them and walked into the store. Coming back out, one of them called me loudly and accused me of ignoring them when they called the first time. Just as I was about to reply if they didn’t hear me greet, I looked closely at their faces, oh yeah, these could be part of ‘them’, and I quickly apologized that I didn’t hear them well. When they insisted I join them, I quickly showed them my headtie and told them I was off to church and was already late and escaped…
P.S I f any of my family member is reading this, all of the above is not true and its just from my imagination. This town is safe oo

Monday 8 June 2015

I need a Project Topic!!!

 First semester of my Professional Diploma in Education (PDE) programme is over and now it’s time to start my project. A topic has already been approved by the department, but I still need to get an approval from my supervisor. So this morning I decided to go see him so we could talk about it. When I got to the department, I saw his car already leaving. I called out to him, he stopped and told me to get in.
Surprised, I got in and greeted him hoping he would remember me because I had already told him he was the supervisor assigned to me last week. He acted like he did and introduced me to the other guy in the car. Sorry not a guy, an old man.
“We’re about to go get lunch, hope you don’t mind joining us”. My supervisor said as he drove out of the school gate.
How can I mind that, I thought to myself.
“No problem sir”. I replied in a small voice.
And that was how we drove to a restaurant and before I knew it, a plate of pounded yam, ewedu mixed with some soup I don’t even know the name of and grasscutter meat was placed in front of me… Oh yeah…this project work is going to be exciting and I think I’m going to love my supervisor.
When we got back, he looked at the topic and decided it wasn’t a good research topic. I wanted to study the tertiary school results of students who did exam malpractice in their O’level and had high grades which would obviously not be reflected in their tertiary school results. He rejected the topic on the grounds that there was no way to determine if they actually did examination malpractice and if the reason they are failing presently isn’t as a result of other factors…
Anyways, now I have to search for a new project topic
P.S I don’t think I’m going to eat any other thing today…I just don’t want the taste of this grasscutter to leave my mouth…Hmm, my mouth still waters at the thought of it.  

Sunday 7 June 2015

He’s the same God

Sometimes when I read my Bible I get a bit scared and wonder at how amazing and incomprehensible our God is. When I read about how God smote Uzza who tried to support the ark of the Lord when it stumbled, the sudden death of Ananias and Sapphira because of a single lie they told, Gehazi becoming a leper because of greed, a king (Nebuchadnezzer) becoming an animal for seven years, and so many amazing other things, I can’t help but marvel. We all say He’s the same God yesterday, today and forever, which implies that the God who caused all these to happen is still the same God we’re serving now.
But then these days we only select the part of the Bible that favors us or looks delightful to read and claim all the blessings attached to it, and forgetting about the warnings and instances where he punished people for doing something we might see as ordinary, in the same Bible. Yeah, He’s the same God who caused a king to have insomnia until he blessed Mordecai, but we shouldn’t forget He’s the same God who allowed snakes to torment the children of Israel in the wilderness. He’s the same God who used a small boy (David) to kill a giant (Goliath), and also the same God who caused a nation (Israel) to be defeated in a battle because of the disobedience of one man (Achan).
Not trying to scare anyone, just saying no one should take God’s mercies and grace for granted, and just because we get away with certain things doesn’t mean we should continue in sin….